As promised in the last post, I found below advices so simple and useful to increase the quality of our relationships and love in our lives. 

• Curiosity – it gives you a chance not to project onto someone and genuinely get to know them without preempting stories in your head. You will likely get the truth, be careful to listen and hear it. This truth gives you a chance to decide if someone is supposed to stay in your life. Also, think of a situation where someone was curious about your life – how did you feel? I always feel seen and important when someone shows interest in me and my thoughts. A good reminder for you is to pay attention if curiosity is reciprocated; that is an equally important sign if the person has an intention to get to know you. Most importantly, this gives you a unique chance to decide if this person aligns with your values and the type of people you want to have in your life.
• Follow up – This is the one that brings me to one of my favorite quotes recently: “You are given the opportunity to gift someone with clarity of the mind and peace of heart.” What I mean by that is, by clearly expressing your intention with them for the next step, you give the other person clarity. You reduce the feeling of the unknown, worry, and the question of what comes next that can cause. Think of those moments when you were waiting by the phone to see if the message will arrive, if you will see them again, and all those anticipatory, gut-wrenching times. We all have the power not to repeat the cycles.
• Scheduling – This one is important, and once again, the difference between scheduling and planning struck me. We are all able to plan, fantasize, and talk about future plans. However, until we actually start scheduling and acting on those plans, we are not actually committing to anything. I find this distinction crucial. It is so easy to get excited about planning and dreaming, but are you actually acting on it?
• Involving them in your life – If you want someone to be in your life as a partner, then at some point, there is a need to let them into your life. You want them to feel like they matter and that they are part of your decisions and life. It doesn’t mean you will ask them for permission necessarily for your decisions, but maybe you will be open for discussion if that decision impacts them. In any type of relationship, there is an exchange, a dance of power that shifts fluidly depending on the circumstance. Being involved in each other’s lives gives a sense of “Us,” which is a third person in every relationship, next to you and me. At the end of the day, I believe sharing your ups and downs with someone makes it all hit a bit differently.
• Comfort – this one is crucial for any friendship or relationship. Making someone feel comfortable is not an easy task; we are all nurtured differently and bring so much into the dynamic. Communicating things clearly is the first step in not letting any ambiguity linger in the air. A common example in dating is the first time we go to meet our friend of the opposite sex: do we make it clear to our partner that there is nothing to worry about? Do we acknowledge that in the beginning we might all feel slightly more insecure, trying to navigate this new dynamic? We all have the power to reassure, put someone at ease, and let them know there is nothing to worry about. These seemingly small gestures over time create comfort in the other person; they feel valued, respected, and cared for.

The steps above are the ones leading us from attention to intention and conscious connection. It takes time and consistency; intensity of the feeling does not necessarily lead to an increase in commitment; hence, consistency is the key. Only when someone is consistent over time is a true reflection of their intentions. Inconsistency is usually shown really early on, but sometimes we just find it hard to accept it and move away from it. If we are the one who is inconsistent, then probably we are getting from the other side something that we want, but the question remains, are we causing the other person pain with our behavior?

I hope you love and are being loved intentionally.

All my love,

Eni

Resource: Love Life, Matthew Hussey