‘Tis the season’ can be challenging for some; we are all in very different stages of life and in different circumstances. This period, in my opinion, is the one where we are at the highest risk of falling into our unhealthy family patterns or reliving some deeply buried pain. There is so much expectation and intensity around this period, and often we forget that life still happens even if we try desperately to put it on hold: breakups, sickness, death, job losses, and all other life-changing circumstances. Most of all, we can easily forget how extremely lonely this period can be for so many of us. Sometimes, even if all seems to be going well, we can still experience loneliness. Our unhappiness can come to the surface during this period, especially in intimate relationships, if we feel that the ideal of this period is not met.

We are bombarded with the images of extreme love and romanticized stories both in family environments and in intimate environments. And if you don’t fall in a love camp in either case, well then, the world tells you – good luck, my friend! Many of us no longer live with our primary family, and many of us feel very happy that it is that way. This period kind of implies you go back to your family home (if you are lucky enough to have it) and spend a very intense few days with family members you don’t necessarily have much in common with anymore, or the whole experience reminds you of how much you are misunderstood by the ones you crave understanding from the most. There are endless differences in all our family dynamics, and I always try to be aware of it when speaking, listening, or supporting my friends. I am acutely aware of how many families hold unprocessed pain, unresolved situations, although on the outside, it is all lovely and full of fake smiles. So many of us go home and immediately fall back into this unhealthy dynamic from our childhood, that very dynamic that drew us away from home in the first place. However, it all makes sense considering we will forever be the children of our parents or caregivers.

Loneliness has many faces, and neither is bigger nor more important. They are just different. I am lucky enough to enjoy my time with my family during this period; they are my anchor. However, I do feel an intense sense of failure or even sadness at times, realizing that there is no hand to hold under the Christmas lights for another year in a row. I do have my tools to help me navigate those romanticized feelings of failure, but that does not change the fact that I feel lonely at times or even crave a big family gathering during this period.

I do know that this time of the year highlights to all of us what we are lacking, where we differ from what we see on social media. It is the time that calls us to be extra loving, patient, and vigilant toward ourselves and others. Nowadays, we are conditioned to focus on what we lack instead of what we have and could be grateful for. I firmly believe that there is a silver lining in all circumstances, regardless of how they may initially seem.

When I look at my beautiful village each year, I see how uniquely different our situations are during these heightened times. Some have strong and committed intimate partners but not a healthy family dynamic. Some have big families full of joy and fun but crave friends and intimacy. Some have friends to rely on and maybe only one or two family members. There are so many facets of loneliness and yearning.

I hope you are able to be open and see the pain within your circle and how different the experiences of this period are for all of us.

What I have learned is that during these periods of exaggerated vulnerability, it helps to try and maintain your usual routine or rituals, even if you are a visitor in a family home. It is important to keep in mind that the reason this period brings so many things to the surface is that many of us slow down after a whole year of chasing our life goals. Slowing down can mean more time to think and reflect, which can be unpleasant for sure! The key is to try and maintain an anchor within yourself and ground yourself in what usually helps you in your day-to-day life. These little routines or rituals help us maintain a feeling of control in an environment that is often outside of our control, especially if we are in places we do not necessarily want to be.

I have listed down some of the rituals that help me or my little village go through this period if we are feeling low or fragile:

• Keep in touch regularly with your closest friends, the ones that are in your daily life during the year. They bring this sense of normalcy and reminder of life you have outside of your family home you are now in. 
• Try and write down 3 things that went well that day (might be simples as – it was a day without rain) 
• If you have journaling practice, make sure you keep it up or even increase it to help you stay grounded
• Carve out some time for you only, even if it is 10 mins make sure you honor it
• If you are regularly exercising, do not stop it is extremely important for mental health and feeling good within (maybe decrease it a bit but do not stop for full holiday period) 
• Choose one thing each day you will do for yourself only, like a little holiday treat (a walk, favorite waffle, 1hr reading time, visit your favorite restaurant or coffee place with a friend) 
• Do something for one of your village members – a call, coffee that is much needed, extra long hug, crying session, whatever they need
• Maintain your meditation practice if you have it

I truly believe everything in life is a matter of perspective, unfortunately our society is more inclined to focus on the negative aspect and even glorify it. I have practiced this year to turn it around and see the positive silver lining in each challenge. It has been such a huge change in how I perceive adversity and hard times in life.

I really hope you are gentle with yourself and others around you. I hope you are able to recognize and find silver linings in your vulnerable moments. I hope you are supported and loved in a way you need to be. I hope you recognize and validate the pain of the others around you. Lastly, I hope you are able to embrace and love yourself with tenderness and care, knowing that it is okay even if you are just trying for now. 

Sending you love wherever you might be and thank you for being with me on this journey. 

All my love, 

Eni