I was always fascinated with the limitless possibilities of our brains and what they are capable of creating or conceiving. Now, it is a highly receptive part of us. A part that is connected to our physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies, and a part that takes it all in. We often have this graphical picture that we feel with our hearts, but our hearts react to what is happening in our brains. The stories we tell ourselves make us feel a certain way within our bodies. It can manifest as anxiety, butterflies, or endless other feelings in different parts of ourselves.

Recently, I started confronting my own fantasyland I have been creating for myself as my safe fortress that guards me from reality or pain. I have also observed many people in my surroundings who are trying to do the same. My fantasies in current grown up stage are around people in my life, more specifically intimate partners where I still tend to believe and chose to see the best in them. I still believe majority of us hurt other people from a place of our own hurt, by trying to escape ourselves we hurt others along the way. On I recent podcast I listened with Trevor Noah as a guest, I found myself relating so much to his words. We tend to often fall in love with the potential in people, that glimpse of them we witness in one fleeting moment and we hold on to that with our dear life. We continue the relationship waiting for another moment where we will see it again while in the meantime they are different person, on a daily basis people tend to show us who they really are, we just don’t want to believe it. Moreover, what strikes me the most is people often tell us exactly who they are but we don’t want to believe them either. We chose to believe what feels safer for us and what fits into our little fantasyland.

I find one of the main ingredients of happiness in relationships the ability to embrace our own and partner’s falibility. The key is to embrace our own imperfections first, being able to accept responsibility over our choices, mistakes but still hold ourselves in high regard is a challenging journey for some of us. We live in a world that celebrates perfection and shames mistakes or imperfection so it is only reasonable we struggle to accept ourselves as imperfect humans. I am not sure we can accept our partner in all their imperfections unless we can do this for ourselves first, we are our own role models to others on how to love us, share the lives together and being able to celebrate our imperfect journeys. There is a sense of liberation when you acknowledge yourself as imperfect, when we allow ourselves to breathe and just be in whatever form we show up. On the other hand, being able to love and accept someone as they are is the biggest gift of love you can give. People often express their insecurities, imperfections, fears to us in a subtle or not so subtle ways and being able to offer them safe place and reassurance is something that is priceless.

I do believe it is good to keep your fantasies and imagination alive and present. There are places you can go with them in a healthy way. Imagination and creativity in relationships nowadays are extremely important, considering there is no rule book on how to do relationships. You can create your own model that works for you and your partner/partners as long as it works for everyone involved. For me, relationships are blank canvases you get to paint with your own colors. You get to create with your partner whatever you imagine, and that is the magic behind it. Fantasies, on the other hand, can have a beautiful stage in your sexual life. Again, it is all allowed as long as it is pleasurable for both. Sexual fantasies can have a really important place in our journeys and in healing too. It can be a part of us that we usually hide, but sex is the right stage to express ourselves. Often, we seek to satisfy and fulfill our deepest core needs that were not met in our childhood. I encourage everyone to get a better understanding of their own unmet needs so you can also embrace your deepest sexual fantasies, kinks, and desires in their most beautiful form.

As with everything in life, fantasies have their place and stage to shine in their fullest potential, but they can also be a great source of pain if we don’t learn how to recognize them in time. My fantasyland was a great escape for me in my childhood when life was scary and felt like an unsafe place for me to experience my big feelings. It saved me during times of great sadness as a child, but it also became an escape from reality in later stages and is one of my primary defense mechanisms. It is not easy to embrace the harsh reality that is painful; however, ultimately facing that reality will liberate us from our own prison. Being a prisoner of our own fantasyland prevents us from finding the real beauty that is out there, the beauty we ultimately deserve.

I do hope you never stop dreaming, but I do hope you dream with your eyes and hearts wide open so you can actually enjoy and build your fantasyland in reality with people that deserve your magic at its fullest potential. The world is your stage, so keep shining with your brightest colors. There is enough audience out there that will cheer you on if you allow it.

With all my love,

Eni